Better Judgement

We learn from our mistakes. But can we learn something different from making the same mistake over and over?


If we go against all our better judgement and subject to the fate of repeating painful mistakes, is there anything to learn? I am guilty of repeat offence. But i am still unclear whether i learnt anything. Maybe my lesson is to never make the same mistake twice? Then again, is making the same mistakes really just further enforcing it in your mind, allowing you to stop second guessing the lessons you've learnt? if you make the same mistake, but the outcome is different, is it still a mistake?


Judgement is something we develop over time. judgement pairs with our basic instincts and allows us to make decisions which have the best outcome. The hard part is learning to trust your judgement. Most often my first judgement is correct, but i question myself and get stuck in a loop of wondering. Can we condition ourselves to trust our better judgement?

What if our better judgement was a little being on our shoulder, would it kick our asses every time we ignored it? would it constantly be telling us we're wrong, when really we made the decisions we had to make, for us at that point in time?


If judgement is based on the past, are we not claiming psychic abilities by going with it? We'll never be sure, unless we take a chance. But we cannot constantly be taking chances and falling flat on our faces. It makes us look like fools and it breaks our pretty faces. So finding a balance is the key. 


Better Judgement is something you just trust 90% of the time, but sometimes, for that other 10% maybe it's time we took a chance. A chance on "love", friends, family, opportunity, just take a chance on life. 


"There ain't no reason things are this way,
It's how they always been and they intend to stay."

An Accidental Timeline

I was recently involved in an accident. I'm a firm believer in learning from mistakes and taking something from every experience, so the following is what i've learnt.

Everything has a timeline. My accident instilled fear, doubt and pain in me, but i know i'm going to be ok. But just because i know i'll overcome it, doesn't mean it will happen straight away. Everything has a proper "mourning period" so to speak.
For example, relationships. Some say it takes half the time you were together to get over a relationships, others say a broken heart takes at least a year to heal, some convince themselves they'll be over it in a week. The point is, the time after must run it's course.

I know from past experiences, running from the pain and endless analysis of the situation at the time, only makes it worse further on.

I can't say that i believe in a higher power, or that everything happens for a reason. But I understand that every action must have an equal and opposite reaction. Good and evil, right and wrong, truth and lies. The world cannot constantly be fair and just, because then there would be no such thing as fairness or justice. But just because i know this as a fact, does that mean i can't complain about it when life screws me over, or when a tragic event occurs?

Is it not my rite to assert those feelings?

Sometimes we do need a push to speed up a recovery process, but other times, we need to be left alone to heal ourselves. The ability to self reflect is something we all need to develop, because at some point in life, we are all alone.

Sometimes i wish there was someone else fighting for me, but at times like this i realize that fighting for myself makes me stronger and, i hope, a better person. Self healing is possibly our only defense to crumpling under the "weight of the word"

So get out those spoons, the tub of ice cream and the raw cookie dough, and go to town. Just remember, it's part of the timeline.

Unrequited

Can "love" truly be real if it is unrequited? In the sense that the person you love, does not love you back? Do we feel love because someone loves us? Give love because we get love? Someone is always going to say it first. That first person has worked it out in their own mind. But the other person, do they just say it back because it's the right thing to do? Because it would hurt too much not saying it back.

Theoretically, the one you love, is the most important person in your life. For some it is the person who completes them, fixed them or makes them a better person. But to allow someone the entire access to your heart, your mind, your soul or whatever you want to call it, is wholly an act of trust. No one can relay their deepest desires and secrets without trusting that the other person will not judge or mock or betray them.

Someone told me that love is giving someone the power to destroy you and trusting them not to. So if you have both given eachother the power, is love just an agreement of mutually assured destruction? In love, you give part of yourself to the other person, and in doing so are you also protecting yourself? If the one you love hurts you, they are also going to hurt themselves. 

Can you give someone that power without recieving the same power back? If you get in so deep as to call it "love", is it real? Can you love someone who has never loved you and never will? Unrequited "love" is potentially the most painful and detrimental thing a person could experience psychologically. But how can we be sure? Is it worth the pain to take a chance? To maybe learn some things and better ourselves?

Our relationships and "love", "lust", "trust", "desire", "heart", whatever you chose to call it or prove by, will always teach us something. Human beings have the endless capacity to grow, and every individual we meet is a potential for growth.

Substitute

So what of the ideals we place on ourselves? The "checklist", so to speak, of people we surround ourselves with. The friends or family. Does anyone ever truly match our criteria?

Or do we just find the closest match and wait for something better fitting to come along?

I know the feeling that you're simply a substitute, and the feeling of being relieved of your duties as the right person came along. It's not a good feeling.

It got me thinking about the other people in my life. Are they truly there for me, caring and giving, or are they simply playing the part?

My family have to, because that is the role of family, it's not something you choose, you are born into it.

But the people i chose to have in my life, the ones who make me smile, or be a better person, or offer support. Are they real? If i stopped, would they stop? Is unrequited love really possible? Or is it a mutual thing. I love you for loving me, when it seems no one else can?

I don't believe in the generalism of love. I believe for every person in your life, you feel something different. No two feelings are the same. Stronger feelings may be what others call love. Others call Lust, Love. And the differences between love and being in love, are different to every person, if different at all.

Your first "love" is always going to be with you, it is not something you get over. Someone who is everlasting in your head and your heart.

Then there are the people who claim to be in love, because it's what they know they should be feeling. They play the part, and once they realise, it's already too late. Or for those who never realise, is this good or bad? Can you trick yourself into feeling something?

So how do we know we've found the right and real thing? How do we know we aren't just a substitution until something better comes along. There are no certainties in the game of "love", but does that mean we should never play the game?

"If i gave you my heart, would you just play the part?
Or tell me it's the start of something beautiful?"

Circumstance

I've recently recieved a string of bad news, all in the space of 24 hours. When the first news came i thought "1 down, 2 to go. Bad things come in 3's." The First news was the death of a distant family member. But what was i supposed to say? How was i supposed to react? I never knew the person, but it's still a death. What is the appropriate way to handle such news? A look of pain and sympathy? An apologetic tone? But who am i to feel pain over someone i never knew, Who am i to apologise?

Then the second news came, illness. Only a distant person to me also. But because this illness affected those close to me, i felt it hit me more than the death did. What are you supposed to say to news of a life threatening illness? How do you console the people it hurts most?

The third news, a heart attack. And the pain hit again. The hurt for those i care about. The young too young to lose a loved one. The old unable to deal. But still i am unsure of the ettiquette surrounding these situations. "that sucks.", "i'm so sorry." or some other comment of disbelief. What is one supposed to say?

So that was the three things bad. I could stop worrying. But i was wrong.

My question is this, what is the proper ettiquette under bad circumstances? I can't ignore it. But i can't overstep boundaries either.

How do you know whether you're being a help or a hinderance?